I have loved and I have lost.

I had lost so many times that I sometimes wondered if love was ever going to be an option for me.

The pain. The hurt. The sadness. It was an experience that I tried my hardest to never feel again.

I built walls and an armor and kept people at just enough distance that felt safe for me.

I chose men. I chose unavailable men. I chose ones that could never give me what I deserved or wanted. (Talk about me creating loss in my life over and over again.)

And with each loss, the walls and the armor and the distance became larger.

It was in those instances that I decided love was a scary thing. That love can be painful and unpredictable and something I would cautiously approach.

Until I realized that it wasn’t love that I was afraid of. 

It was the shame of not feeling lovable, the fear of being abandoned and the sadness of being alone that controlled me.

I was subconsciously allowing someone else to define my worth. I believed that if they left me or didn’t choose me, it meant I wasn’t good enough.

I couldn’t possibly see that the loss of the person just meant “they weren’t the right one for me” and hadn’t nothing to do with who I was. 

So I started to love again, but it first began with loving myself, seeing my worth, knowing and believing in who I was.

See, love is the essence of who we are, where we come from and what we all deserve.

It is the ability to see our flaws and embrace them.

Love is gentle and kind and forgiving.

It is opening your heart, sharing your truth and being vulnerable to the world.

Love is what we receive when we break down the walls that protect us because just as it keeps the pain away it also keeps away the happiness.

So don’t be afraid of love.

Take the risk.

Share your soul with another.

Be exactly who you are knowing that the world is meant to see all of you in your truest form.

Whether it’s a minute, a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime, LIVE AND LOVE!

It might become a loss, but it just means you get to love again <3

 

 

 

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