Letting go is a constant struggle I face, particularly when it comes to relationships. Whether it’s me throwing in the towel or the guy no longer is interested in seeing me, so many emotions come to surface when it’s time to move on. As much as I want to pursue future potential relationships, the irony is that I hold on to certain elements that prevent me from letting go of the emotional ties. Even though I’m confident better things are ahead, I face nostalgia and remember the good times—why and how could such a great relationship end? Was it me or was it him? Trying to let go is an internal battle of trying to find a reason or a hard-fact conclusion to put to peace the confusion of self-worth.
Although I’ve genuinely liked the men I was seeing and their presence, I truthfully find myself missing more-the idea that someone understood me on an intimate level. Sometimes I find myself laughing at this ridiculous realization but it’s true! It hit me when I looked back on my past and saw who I was in each relationship—as time went on with these individuals, I somehow lost my sense of identity and true “self.” Granted, I still knew what I enjoyed and had passion for, but it was the little things where I began to mimic their interests, and pushed mine away. I unconsciously developed the same interests as the guy I was seeing, and there’s a difference between becoming interested in your boyfriend’s passions and letting his passions rule yours.
So with these “masks” I unintentionally created for myself in each relationship, the relationship would wither as the initial honeymoon phase wore off. At the time when this was happening, I was confused and blind-sided by these breakups wondering why am I not good enough? Many of these relationships didn’t work out because the guy would recognize the truth before I could see it in myself–they could see the external mask.
As each year passes and I grow older and more mature, I’ve become more comfortable in my skin and who I am as a woman. I say “thank you” to the men I’ve dated, not necessarily for the way you ended the relationship, but for leaving to allow me to focus on myself and my personal development. I recently dated someone for a few months and it ended. I know any breakup can be tough, but the one thing that makes me content is knowing that for once, I can honestly say that I was completely me and that’s all that I can be. So with this weeks theme of “letting go,” I urge those of you who can relate to throw away your masks and let down your guards because there are people who genuinely love and care about you just the way you are.
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